Confidence and Personal Safety

You’re facing someone twice your size and angry. They might even have a weapon. And your most valuable defense is something most of us can’t define. It’s not an emotion or a feeling. Maybe it’s more of a skill. Except you probably don't know when you’re developing it. It just seems to be there. You may not even know you have it.

I’m talking about confidence.

When it comes to safety, does it really matter whether you’re “confident”—especially when an assailant is big, armed, and angry? Before we answer that question, let’s first explore the idea of confidence by defining it and considering where it comes from.

This article in Psychology Today defines it this way:

“Confidence is a belief in oneself, the conviction that one has the ability to meet life's challenges and to succeed—and the willingness to act accordingly.”                ^[1]

Personally, I think that’s too limited of a definition and very “me” focused. Dictionary.com loosens the definition a bit:

Confidence is “full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing…”                ^[2]

That’s a lot closer. I’ll go one step further with a much simpler definition:

“Confidence is simply knowing what you can rely on and what you can’t.”

Now, let’s look at where confidence comes from. How would you react if you heard someone say, “I decided to be confident today!”? My reaction would be something like, “Umm, OK. How?”

And that’s because confidence does not come from a decision. Generally, you don’t just decide to be confident. If someone believes they are capable of something with no basis for that belief, they are not confident; they are prideful and arrogant. Their beliefs are void of fact.

I remember watching a fight with Muhammad Ali when I was about seven. And I said – out loud – “If I didn’t get a headache, I could beat him.” (It's hard to write that without laughing at myself…)

Why would I have said such a thing? Well, what I saw were two men hitting each other. I had been in “fights” before and to my uninformed mind, you just had to decide not to get knocked down and you would win.

Let’s be clear here. I thought getting knocked down by one of the greatest fighters ever was a choice! Until the world ends, that depth of naivete may never be reached again. I was arrogant, not confident. 

OK, so if confidence doesn’t simply come from a decision, where does it come from? Confidence comes from an ongoing series of decisions.

Now, let’s answer the question as to whether it really matters if you’re “confident”? But first, consider these points about confidence:

• Confidence helps you make more accurate decisions. Knowing what’s true and what isn’t, what you and others are capable of, and who and what you can rely on is important information. This information is critical for developing a plan and making wise decisions.
• Confidence can project strength. Your confidence may be something inside, but others can see it on the outside—in your behaviors, through what you do and say. What we know is that when you project confidence, others will see you as less vulnerable. And people who get disruptive are often looking for vulnerability. Strength makes you a less inviting target.
• Confidence is a key to controlling fear. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel fear in a situation involving conflict. You should and likely will. The challenge you should overcome is not letting fear take control. And confidence will help you control your emotions, so they don’t control you.

So, yes. Of course, confidence directly impacts your safety. The next question is, “Do you know how to strengthen your confidence?”

At Strongside, we help people reach their full potential. That includes building confidence and promoting safety. Our courses, consulting, and content can help you thrive and protect what’s most important.

Ready to learn more? Check out the options on the sidebar. And decide that today you will take action to strengthen your confidence.

                [1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/confidence

                [2] https://www.dictionary.com/browse/confidence#word-history-and-origins